Friday 21 May 2010

Delightful Miss Dahl


It has been said that I’m cynical; jaded, even. My first blog was about how it isn’t really fun to go out on New Year’s eve. When this was published on a review site, it was accompanied by advertisements for anti-depressants. This tells you everything you need to know about society’s attitude to anyone whose opinion differs from the norm. (If “normal” is being so bored with the company of your friends that you need to chug a bottle of tequila before you can tolerate their presence with any semblance of enjoyment.)

Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know that sometimes I will unashamedly crap rainbows all over something I like.

I couldn’t resist checking out the first series of The Delicious Miss Dahl after reading many scathing reviews. The media has relished giving Miss Dahl a good chewing up and spitting out (OK, I’ll stop the food metaphors now) for daring to share her cookery style with us. The general feeling seemed to be “Who does she think she is? Just because her grandfather was a writer, and she’s a model / writer... and why is she calling herself delicious?” “We’ll be the judges of that,” wrote one grumpy critic. After the first episodes hit our TVs, there was quite a gossip storm. Sophie is trying to out-do Nigella... she can’t even cut ciabatta right... she doesn’t know what she’s doing....

So you can see why I couldn’t resist a peek. What I found surprised me. It turns out Sophie is perfectly sufficient at kitchen duty. She's vaguely similar to Nigella, in that she's attractive and voluptuous, and makes flirtatious little asides to the cameraman. All I can say is, the world is big enough for two sexy cooks. As for their culinary prowess or lack thereof, it’s not as if either of them is claiming to be a chef at the Savoy. (It’s ENTERTAINMENT, people!)

Miss Dahl is like the kindly head girl at Malory towers. She speaks frightfully nicely, and sprinkles conversation with sighs about how romantic second-hand book shops and graveyards are. Not to mention those cosy anecdotes about her grandparents.

She has an easy way with the camera, frequently dissolving into giggles, and makes you feel as if you are sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea chatting to your friend while she gets on with the cooking.

Dividing the programmes into useful themes such as “romance” and “escapism,” Miss Dahl proved herself to be utterly charming, with plenty of genuinely useful cooking tips and meals which looked yummy, contrary to the dour opinions I’d heard.

I do hope Sophie gets a second series. I found her immensely likable and entertaining, so there critics! Save your roasts for someone who deserves them....

Bring back the slipper....


I know I keep going on about teachers, but they’ve been in the news an awful lot lately. First there was Peter Harvey, who was cleared of attempting to kill a fourteen year old boy – resulting in what I think is the BEST opening paragraph to a front page news story EVER:

“A teacher who bludgeoned a disruptive pupil with a dumbbell walked free yesterday when a 'common sense' jury acquitted him in minutes.”

(This Daily Mail article made me laugh so much that I cut it out and stuck it on my fridge.)

The latest teacher to be cleared of attacking a kid is Lynda May, who “accidentally” cut a 12 year old boy’s thumb with a pritt stick.

The fact that he was coached in what to say by his parents (and admitted that despite using the word “retaliate” to describe his teacher’s actions, he didn’t actually know what the word meant) may be part of the reason why his accusations didn’t stand up to scrutiny.

Am I the only one thinking it would actually be quite hard to draw blood with a plastic tube of pritt stick? She must have slipped quite dramatically while demonstrating “how silly it is” to bang them on tables. Maybe she even slipped a couple of times.

It seems the tide has turned. Perhaps judges are tired of having to deal with cases where a pupil is suing for hurt feelings because a teacher dissed them?

I’m not condoning violence against “unruly” pupils of course. But wouldn’t it be funny if the laws were changed overnight and nobody told the kids? Then when a giant bruiser of a 14 year old is violent and abusive to a teacher and taunts "You can’t touch me, I know my rights!" the teacher could give them a big slap and say “Think again, punk!”

But then, I’m a meanie. I also think it would be amusing to turn off all the cameras in the Big Brother house and not tell anyone inside, so when they come out expecting fame and fortune, nobody would know who they are. (As it is, the process takes about 5 years, which is far too long.)

In the meantime, is it safe to assume Arnie’s comeback film will be an update of Kindergarten cop; “Teacher's revenge”?

Wednesday 19 May 2010

The cure for "Broken Britain?"

"I'm fed up with you kids" – as well you might be, Gordon.
Picture of Gordon, Dave and Cleggy courtesy of enidblytonsociety.com


So here we are with a spanking new government! After a nail biting election (I don’t think I recall it ever being EXCITING before) we got two for the price of one – and bless ‘em, they look so happy.

I had begun to feel rather sorry for Gordon Brown and had to be reminded by family members “He’s ruined the country!” to avoid my sympathy developing further. Bigotgate almost made me want a Labour victory, so that he wouldn’t look back on it as the mistake which cost him the election (although he would have been kidding himself, as he's been a dead man walking for some time). Not that I could ever quite bring myself to vote for him. Indeed, I have no idea why anyone WOULD vote Labour right now. Is it because the last 13 years have just been SO GOOD? (Maybe, if you are a burglar who has successfully sued a homeowner because you hurt your foot when you kicked in the door.) Seriously, who would say “Yeah! I’d love some more of this!”

I’ve noticed that many people stick to the party which their family / community supports – which could explain why some are blindly followed even when their manifestos suck.

Gordon Brown reminds me of Mr Goon the policeman from Enid Blyton’s rather forgotten masterpiece, “The Five Find-outers and Dog” series. (Superior to the Secret Seven, on par with the Famous Five; Fatty was a much better leader than bossy Julian.) Mr Goon could be a real rotter sometimes, and was of course always outwitted by the gang of mystery-solving children. But just occasionally, he’d mess things up so badly that you couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. And so it is with Gordon; perhaps his resignation was a cynical last-ditch attempt to manipulate his way into power, but watching him practically scamper away from number ten with his wife and children (who are just about the cutest small boys I have ever seen) and it’s enough to make you say “Never mind! Maybe now you’ll be able to find a job you ARE good at!”

Although I initially had reservations about Cameron, he won me over in the debates. He seemed like the only one who actually felt passionate about making changes and restoring Britain to its pre-Labour glory. (As John Major said when he left in 1997 “The economy is booming, interest rates are low... inflation is low and unemployment is falling. The growth pattern is well set, the health service is expanding, the education service is improving and the crime statistics are falling.”)
 
ETA in 2020: OMG, did I really like David Cameron? Forgive me! I've also changed my mind on tokenism, because, well, I've grown since 2010. And changed my views on Camila Batmanghelidjh. Nothing like a blog to remind yourself of your embarrassing old views, eh?

We currently live in a bizarre world of political correctness where just mentioning the word “immigrant” earns you the moniker “bigot” (I'd like to defend Mr Brown’s right to speak his mind, but I can’t help noticing that accusatory name calling is a lazy man’s defence against questions he doesn’t like – people will back off rather than be branded as racist.)

I also feel vaguely patronised by the “But there are hardly any women in parliament!” outcry. Frankly, I don’t care. If the coalition was made up entirely of black people, would all the white people be complaining “But they can’t possibly see things from our point of view or cater to our needs!”? Of course not. So let’s hope that the best person gets the job regardless of biased shortlists and tokenism.

I still maintain that Clegg is the kind of creep who would chat you up in a nightclub, carefully mirror your movements and casually slip “below me” into the conversation, but his obvious joy at being given a job makes me feel churlish for pointing out the illogical nature of making the man with the fewest votes the prime minister’s deputy. (Watch your back, Dave....)

Wide-eyed students who actually believed that the Liberals heralded a new, revolutionary form of politics are angry he “sold out” by joining with Dave – which proves how naive they were for not guessing he would go wherever the heady scent of power led him.

Dave promised to cut the cabinet’s pay, which he has duly done.(He now earns less than 160 other council chiefs.) This kind of grown-up example setting means he is off to an encouraging start.

He also organised a meeting of community grassroots activists, including Kids Company founder (and Gwnyeth Paltrow’s heroine) Camila Batmanghelidjh. Apparently the plan is to give communities more power and to create a National Citizen Service programme to end the "pointless waste of potential" among teenagers. With Miss Batmanghelidjh involved, you can be sure Dave will not be allowed to get away with any waffling BS, so hopefully the changes made will be long lasting and real.

It is spring, Labour is gone, and things are looking up. Hurrah!