Friday 31 August 2012

Jeremy Clarkson's Crash Course in the Law of Attraction


He also heard that women have been laughing at his indiscriminate groping antics.

Jeremy Clarkson has decided that “Britain is a nation of 62 million complete and utter bastards.” Why? Well, he thought that it would be a good idea to announce via Twitter that his dog had died, and was then surprised when his 503,861 followers made jokes about it. 

I’m not going to be a real meanie and say “Well, he deserves it because he’s such a horrible, horrible person.” (But he is.) I will, however, make the point that Twitter serves as a mirror. It’s not as if the people who saw his tweets about a dead dog were picked at random. They were all people who had chosen to follow him. And if you were the kind of person who says stupid things all the time in the hopes of getting a reaction, what would you expect?

If Oprah wrote about a sad event on Twitter, she would probably get a number of weirdo replies, because she’s famous and freaks go with the territory. However, I suspect most of her followers would probably react with sympathy, because dog-hating thugs don’t often subscribe to tweets such as "I'm ready to be an instrument. Thank you for an inspiring, spirit filled, blessed #SuperSoulSunday."

So Mr Clarkson, time for a long hard look at the kind of person YOU are?

Thursday 23 August 2012

I am the Captain of my Soul – Unless I Can't Move...



On the 16th August, Tony Nicklinson lost his “right to die” case at the High Court. Yesterday, he died of pneumonia – exacerbated by his refusal to eat in the days since his defeat. 

Since his stroke 7 years ago, Mr Nicklinson had suffered from “locked in syndrome” – being fully alert and conscious on the inside, but unable to move beyond some facial expressions, the most heartbreaking being his face when he learned that he would not be allowed to die. The judges on his case decided that "voluntary euthanasia is murder, however understandable the motives may be". Because of his inability to move independently, he would have had to enlist help from a family member in order to end his life.

Euthanasia is one of those subjects I’ve always been fairly neutral about – nobody wants to think of people suffering, but equally, when is it ok to turn off the life support? Even people who appear to be braindead have occasionally snapped out of their comas, none the worse for it. And how can you trust that the person making the decision really has the patient’s best interests at heart? People can be very odd when wills are in the equation.... 

However, it still makes sense to judge cases on an individual basis. Would the judges have changed their mind about Tony Nicklinson’s fate if they had experienced just one day in his body, communicating through blinks and having to give up every shred of dignity? Mr Nicklinson pointed out; "Judges, like politicians, are happiest when they can avoid confronting the real issues and this judgement is no exception to the rule.” He admitted that his biggest regret was summoning help at the hotel when he collapsed; “If I knew then what I know now, I would have let nature take its course.” 

Jean-Dominique Bauby was the editor of French ELLE when he suffered a stroke and became a victim of locked-in syndrome. He painstakingly spelled out every letter of every word of a short book about the experience, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, before he died (also from pneumonia). He describes correspondence from his friends; “Other letters simply relate the small events that punctuate the passage of time: roses picked at dusk, the laziness of a rainy Sunday, a child crying himself to sleep. Capturing the moment, these small slices of life, these small gusts of happiness, move me more deeply than all the rest.” One could argue that as long as you’re alive, it is still possible to find some value in every moment. 

But how long can someone go on living in purgatory? Mr Nicklinson’s response to his high court defeat was: “I am crestfallen, totally devastated and very frightened. I fear for the future and the misery it is bound to bring.” His daughter Lauren told the press “He would rather have three months of the physical and mental anguish of starving himself than 30 years living locked-in.” It’s an understandable stance; not only would 30 years of living mean more years of ‘dull, miserable, demeaning, undignified and intolerable’ life for you, but also for the family who would have to sacrifice their own lives to take care of you, adding guilt to the list of daily pains. 

So what was the court’s problem with Mr Nicklinson’s “right to die”? As he was extremely keen to end his life, it seems irrelevant that the actual drugs would need to be placed in his mouth by someone else. So it appears that the actual debate isn’t about whether it’s ok to “help” someone die – it’s a debate about the moral rights and wrongs of suicide. The judges decided that Tony Nicklinson had to stick it out rather than end his suffering. 

But like it or not, every human being has the right to kill themselves, if they so choose. If someone is physically incapable of doing so, why is it suddenly someone else’s choice to make?

Wednesday 15 August 2012

I ❤ London



I admit it, I'm not a sports fan. I've always thought that watching people cycle is dullsville, and will never understand how a marathon (it's people WALKING! In bunny costumes!) is considered a television event. I was even one of those people who resented the Olympics for the hassle it would cause to public transport and how much it would cost. (Montreal took 30 years to pay off  the debt from their 1976 hosting duties...)

From the very start, it seemed that everything about our hosting would be tarnished with the crappy, incompetent bungling that we're used to from our government. The "Lisa Simpson committing a lewd act" logo caused public outcry; it cost us £400,000 but it turned out that running a contest in a newspaper (see above) would have found better results. Where's Blue Peter when you need them? (I think the one in the top left-hand corner, incorporating "2012" into "London" is particularly ingenious, so I'm just going to pretend to myself that this was the official logo.)


                    BUT THAT WAS BEFORE!!!

Yes, I got sucked into every second of it, from the opening ceremony onwards. I found myself musing on ways we could “improve” the show next time. For instance, we could dress up the shot putters like Roman gladiators. (What? I think it would be fun, and really add something to the atmosphere!) Even better, why not have a fun “sports day” after the real events have finished, when there is no pressure to win? (This is the flipside of getting into the games; I can’t bear to see their little faces fall when they miss out by 0.10 of a second). Wouldn’t we all like to see our sporting heroes compete in a sack race or the egg and spoon race? And just have FUN?

It’s been an amazing three weeks, Britain has probably never been happier, and don’t you just love it when the worst news you can find in the papers is that your country only got silver, not gold? I think we need to have a big rousing chorus of “We are the champions!” to celebrate. Not the Queen song – this one.