Monday, 20 June 2016

The Return of Colonialism, aka Remainers Aren't Immune To Racism

Many people I know assume that a vote for Brexit is simply a yearning to return to "little England" and the days of the British Empire, with David Cameron saying that Brexiters "Want to take us backwards." 

The Leave Campaign has been called "borderline racist" and I confess, some of the language involved has made me a bit twitchy; phrases like "Let's take back control of our borders" do smack of old-fashioned jingoism. 

The blatant bigotry of the kind of people who hold up signs saying "foreigners go home" is one thing. But prejudice comes in many forms, and I can't help being cynical about the  patting-ourselves-on-the-back-for-being-so-generous smugness that is so prevalent in social media and TV audiences. 


Every time someone in a debate says that immigration is great (for us) because "they do the jobs YOU don't want to do", it makes me cringe a little bit. Don't people HEAR how that sounds? As if we've finally found an acceptable way to go back to the old colonial days, except this time we don't even have to set sail for foreign shores – we can get our toilet scrubbed and our nails done and our fast food served to us by cheap labour and then tell our friends how wonderfully hard-working they are. Aren't we just soooo open-minded and benevolent? Especially when we count up how much money we've saved by employing a Slovenian au pair via Gumtree rather than getting a lazy British teenager through an agency.

Sometimes the milk of human kindness curdles; Angela Merkel's irresponsible offer of a warm welcome to helpless refugees encouraged them to risk their lives trying to get to Germany. We're often so keen to appear welcoming and racially sensitive that we live in denial, because that way we don't have to actually give a toss about the quality of life for our immigrants. Like dismissing reports of Romanians living ten-to-a-bedroom as a "nasty stereotype", instead of admiring them for putting aside their own short-term discomfort in order to share rent and give themselves a financial leg-up.

It can get a bit crowded.

"Everyone voting for Brexit is xenophobic" is as much of a media-created narrative as the "immigrants steal our jobs" story. (It's a little ironic to assume you know why someone is voting a certain way, then call them "prejudiced".) But sometimes the most ardent supporters of immigration inadvertently reveal their own doubts about it.

Suppose your friend says to you: "I've put on so much weight! I'm going to have to buy some bigger clothes." If you thought that being fat was neither a negative or a positive, but simply took your friend's words as a neutral statement of fact, you might answer "Well, let's go shopping! M & S are having a sale." If, however, you saw being fat as a VERY BAD THING, you'd deny it. "Of course you're not fat! You look exactly the same as you always have! You're VERY SLIM." 

This is basically the way that some Remainers react to anyone who says that a) we have quite a few immigrants, and b) maybe having more people in the country means that we'll need to build more houses, schools, hospitals etc. (Not forgetting the sewers! "It's no good building more houses if there's nowhere for the poo to go," as a plumber once told me.) 

Why on earth don't they just say "Yes, that's true." There's nothing WRONG with having immigrants! When we say that "old people living for longer" puts a strain on services, we just accept it as a fact of life. It's not necessarily rife with implicit aggression aimed at pensioners, and we don't try to shut down people saying it by shrieking "How dare you say such a thing about dear sweet elderly people! You old-age hater!" 

But when we deny that net migration of 336,000 people in a single year might have any impact whatsoever on a country's infrastructure, we lose credibility. If we insist that our housing shortage is purely down to rich people buying up London property and then leaving it empty, or that the 6-week wait to see your GP is just down to funding cuts, it sounds as if we think that immigration is somehow shameful and must never be discussed. The reality is that OF COURSE we're going to need more facilities now that we have more people – it's the price we pay for having a growing economy and extra help running essential services like the NHS. If pro-EU politicians had acknowledged this instead of acting as if it's a crazy, bigoted fallacy, maybe people wouldn't have become frustrated enough to force a referendum.

The attitude to immigrants / likelihood of voting for UKIP is often seen as a class issue, with the middle-class intellectuals scoffing at the views of those poor ignorant chavs, with their England flag tattoos and cans of lager. It's a fair point, but if we put aside our snobbery and try empathy instead, we might get more of an insight into why some people are so ferociously in favour of limits on immigration. After all, It's easy to be generous towards migrants when you're skipping to your job at the BBC, The Guardian under your arm as you pop into Starbucks for your morning skinny latte and plan your next big holiday: your life is only ever going to be improved by free movement. On the other hand, if you work as a builder or a cleaner, the joke could come true; you might actually lose work to a newcomer who can undercut your prices.

Similarly, you might embrace an amnesty for illegal immigrants because it sounds so sweet and nice, but it's still a bit of a kick in the teeth to those migrants who have spend considerable time and energy going through the official channels. There is always another side of the story, and knee-jerk reactions (often virtue signalling how non-racist you are) serve no purpose other than clogging up our twitter feeds. 


The shiny-faced students on Question Time say proudly "We should just take down all the borders" but it never seems to occur to them to ask what's happening in the country that person has just left. Or whether a mass exodus of all the most courageous and motivated citizens, leaving in search of better prospects, is going to work out so well for the people left behind. 

Lots of people I know are choosing to vote remain largely because they want the option of living abroad in future and love the ease of travel with borderless Europe. But having a summer of backpacking around Italy or fruit-picking for a lark is a very different prospect from reluctantly leaving your home country – and extended family – because there aren't any jobs, and your only chance for a better life is to try somewhere else.  

We quietly ignore the fact that many immigrants are actually highly qualified professionals who choose to set aside their expertise and take the first job they can get their hands on. There's nothing wrong with working for minimum wage (I've had some pretty awful jobs in my time, ain't no shame in it) but really? Doctors and lawyers being forced to stack shelves and mop up vomit, just to make ends meet? 


Is it me, or is this an incredibly crappy way for people to have to spend their lives? Yet we refuse to admit anything might be wrong with the system for fear of being labelled xenophobic. We'd rather keep the status quo than admit there might be something rotten in the state of Brussels and then have to actually do something about fixing it. 

It's becoming well-known that giving money to big charities isn't the best way to help: your donation pays for the CEO's £200,000 salary and the marketing budget, which is then sent back to you in the from of "free" calendars and notecards. The actual work they do undermines the people it is meant to help, creating a new cycle of dependency. Books such as "Shut up and Give" (Chad Jordan) and "Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And How to Reverse It)" (Robert D. Lupton) discuss the futility of chucking money at a "charity" without actually seeing effective results. 

Britain makes charitable donations in the form of foreign aid; in fact, we're second only to the USA in generosity. But while sending cash to governments even more corrupt than our own might give us an altruistic glow, it doesn't actually do any good. 

I'm starting to feel that our patronising attitude to migrants has the same vibe. It's so much easier to just give your money to Oxfam (in exchange for natty "I bought you a goat" cards) and feel instantly pious, than it is to actually think about where the money is going and find more effective alternatives (like micro-financing, for example.) Likewise, it's easier to talk loudly about how great it is to have open borders and scream "Racist!" when people express concern over the sustainability of constant immigration, than to actually look at why people NEED to migrate thousands of miles away from home. 

Perhaps we could offer help that would improve countries as a whole; by trading with them, by sponsoring businesses, offering scholarships in local schools, sharing expertise and resources. Perhaps we could help other countries reach their potential instead of bragging about how many of their workers we're taking?

Right now, by buying into the "togetherness" of the EU, we're locking OUT developing countries. For instance, the Common Agricultural Policy, designed to help farmers across Europe, is life-destroyingly bad for farmers in African countries. It keeps prices artificially low, which means those outside of the system can't compete. 

The EU also steals resources such as fish from the coast of Gambia (and you thought British fishermen had a legitimate claim to be cross). That warm, fuzzy friendship and co-operation that the Remainers have been so vocal about only applies to those on the inside of the club, and this makes me mad enough to spit. 

                                   

The Syrian Refugee crisis is just one of the horrible events which has made me pause to contemplate just how much of a lottery life is. While I enjoy my comfortable existence, blighted only by first world problems such as "I don't know which new laptop to buy", others have had to flee from their bomb-decimated homes in fear for their lives, then move into refugee-camp-limbo for months or even years on end. 

The EU reinforces this where-you're-born-determines-your-lot-in-life concept; giving its member states, and ONLY its member states, special privileges such as free movement. What's more fair? Allowing in limitless numbers of people just because they happen to have been born in the "right" country? Or offering a DECENT opportunity to someone from outside of that coveted in-group, because they have proved themselves to be hard-working and go-ahead? When we have free movement between a certain group of lucky countries, it means less room and fewer chances for migrants from elsewhere.

Illustrator Axel Scheffler said that "Without the EU, there would be no Gruffalo". Which is as flimsy a reason to vote "in" as any other. (Maybe not quite as flimsy as the threat of World War Three.) But what if right now, there is an equally fantastic artist living in Japan? Or Bolivia? We might never meet them! 

One of the most constant arguments from the Remain side has been that an emancipated UK will be "isolated" and "looking inwards" rather than embracing all that wonderful European-ness. Why must we stop with Europe? Immigrants from all over the world enrich our culture, our economy, our friendship groups and our gene pool. 

But the EU doesn't unify, it divides; as Chris Bickerton, Cambridge university's politics lecturer points out: "The euro has created new divisions but it has also cemented older ones. It has exaggerated the differences between productive and unproductive national economies."

I know what you're thinking: how can we trust that OUR government (regardless of which party is in charge) will do the right thing, when they have so often screwed up in every possible way? 

Let's not forget that it was Labour who came up with this beyond-parody marketing strategy. 

We can't, of course. If we do vote for Brexit, that doesn't automatically mean we'll start creating a fairer world. But it's easier to reform our own system than somebody else's. Outside of the EU, change is possible. Inside, we're stuck forever with what we're given. 

For those who are wondering "If we leave the EU, what will happen to all the Brits who have emigrated?" The answer is: nothing. Just like nothing will happen to the Europeans in the UK. They're protected by the Vienna Convention of 1969, which says people will keep the rights that they once exercised under a treaty, even if that treaty is later terminated.  Nobody is getting chucked out. NOBODY – not even your pal Nigel – has ever said they're aiming to stop migration altogether, and controlled rather than free movement will continue. 

The BIGGEST RED HERRING in this debate is that it's about race. This referendum is not about the number of immigrants we welcome onto our island. It's not even about whether we might have to fill out a form on the aeroplane next time we go on holiday in Europe or get hit with roaming charges for using our phone. It's about the UK having autonomy. 

And believe it or not, it's about whether we want to close ourselves off into a special little members-only club with a velvet rope, or if we want to be open to the whole world. On the 24th June, will we have surrendered to keeping everything just the way it's been for 43 years, or will we step out, blinking like a little baby deer, into the bright sunshine of a brave new (whole and unlimited) world? 

 

Monday, 15 February 2016

My favourite movie genre: the Yuppie in Peril

I'm SO happy that I get to write for a website like Den of Geek; when I suggested that I could write something about "Yuppies in Peril" they said "Sure, go for it!" When I emailed a few weeks later and said "Um, it's gonna be quite long, and I had so many to write about I've split it into two, "classic" and "21st century" their attitude was still "bring it on". Ace! 

The first piece to be published is here: It's all about the 21st century! (And you thought YIP movies all took place in the 90s...)

The Gift: both the plot and the sexual politics could have come from a much earlier era. 

It took a while to write – I spent most of Christmas watching likeably trashy home invasion movies and erotic thrillers rather than repeats of Jurassic Park. (Oh, who am I kidding? I still saw it at least three times, and I regret nothing.) I also got to see some films I'd never heard of (most of them featuring Mr Cool himself, Samuel L Jackson) and even discovered some new favourites. Yay!




Monday, 28 September 2015

Sharktastic!

Here's my latest effort for Den of Geek: the Top 25 Shark Movies. It was a labour of love – who knew there were SO MANY variations on the humble "chomp" story? (I confess: Jurassic Shark only made it into the list because I started watching it and found it so unspeakably dreadful that the only way to salvage the wasted time was to include it in an article.)

Weirdly enough, I now find myself feeling quite fond – even protective – of sharks, although I'm still terrified of them, obviously. Think about all the other big fabulous predators in the world; lions, tigers, bears, even CROCODILES... they are all capable of being, if not tame, then at least amenable to human contact. Not sharks! But when you're a living dinosaur, I say you can do whatever you like.


Especially if you have comedy eyebrows. I LOVE this still from The Last Shark (1981)




Friday, 31 July 2015

Movies that will haunt you...

One thing I've learnt from hours of toiling on the internet is that when someone says (on twitter, Facebook, or their blog) something like "Whew! I haven't posted here in ages! But I'm totally going to start doing it again!" you know without a shadow of a doubt that it will be the last thing they ever write on that particular page. (If you don't believe me, look at the many dead accounts littering Twitter.) 

So I'm not going to say "Sorry about my long absence, but I'm totally gonna write loads of new blogs!" because... I'm not. I'm way too buy writing other stuff – that pays. (Sorry to be a mercenary, but there you go.) 

But I will be updating if I've written stuff that I think you'll like – and here is my latest piece for Den of Geek: 25 films which will haunt you with only one viewing. It's had more comments than anything else I've ever written, which is nice, even if 99% of them are berating me for not including the the film they personally found haunting. (I did point out several times that it's a subjective thing. And that I didn't want to just list gross horror movies. But never mind.)


It was tough choosing – I could have written the entire list about any of the sub-genres (holocaust, slavery, high school gun massacres, abusive parents) but I tried to balance it out to cover as many bases as possible. And I don't mind telling you, I just want to watch some nice cheerful movies now. I'm so over being traumatised by celluloid!

Saturday, 7 March 2015

THAT Dress and Why I Love the Internet

Remember when "flash mobs" were all the rage? They are described on wikipedia as "a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and seemingly pointless act for a brief time, before quickly dispersing". I went on one in London years ago; we had to show up in Soho Square with a book we didn't want, swap books with strangers (I still have a novelisation of Shakespeare to show for my efforts) and give three people a compliment. It was so NICE to be able  to tell other women that I loved their earrings or bag – items which might often catch my eye, but it's not generally considered socially acceptable to throw out random compliments to strangers, still less to wolf whistle or say "Heyyyyy! Lookin' good!". (As we know, RIGHT?)

But what I remember most about the experience was the way it divided people into two groups: those who "got" it and thought it was a bit of a laugh, and those who just couldn't understand the point of doing something so, well, silly.

In the same way, #thedress controversy has resulted in the grumpypants of the world disapproving of all the high jinks and commenting with inevitable gloom:"Who cares? It's not like it's important!" Some even believe it's all a conspiracy  to distract the sheeple from the important issues of the day.

I don't care. I love it. I love the way stuff like this turns the internet into one big community and the dress is what we're all talking about while we hang out at the water cooler. That facebook is full of in-jokes like this:

               
                                                            
                                                        and this:

                   

When I first saw THAT dress, I couldn't believe there was even a question about the colour. While we now all know that the real-life garment is black and blue, the original picture always appeared to me to look like a blue and black dress that had been blasted with enough light to make the black appear bronze. (Unfortunately, "periwinkle blue and bronzey-gold" was never presented as an option in the polls.)

The internet is now awash with various version of the photos with different light levels to give everyone a chance to see the other side of the white/gold vs blue/black argument. I must have very blue-biased eyes because even the dress at its whitest still looks tinged with blue to me. And for those of you who saw the original dress as white – what colour did you see the little patch of light under the right-hand sleeve? May I offer a snarky clue?



At first, the colour confusion was blamed on seeing the dress on different computer monitors. However, it soon became clear that people looking at the same screen were coming up with opposite interpretations of the same picture. The dress has been described as a perfect example of an optical illusion; some people even found it changed every time they looked at it. The science has now been explained and hopefully all those family feuds and workplace bust-ups will now have calmed down. 

But if you're still eager to debate...

In my family, we occasionally ask innocent visitors what colour they'd call the living room curtains; they never suspect they are about to enter a decades-long disagreement. (Or perhaps they do, which is why they always straddle the fence of "bluey-green?")

So what do you think? Blue or green? Here's a little collage courtesy of www.picmonkey.com so you can see the curtains in some different lights. (Not that I'm obsessive about this.)


As for #thedress, it has now become a tattoo, a Salvation Army ad campaign against domestic violence ("Why is it so hard to see black and blue?"), and a huge boost to the company who made it – now in both colours.

Monday, 3 November 2014

Catcallgate

So the latest video to go viral features a woman walking around New York getting catcalled; apparently some people have found this surprising. (Perhaps they didn't read my recent take on feminism.)


Her outfit of dark jeans and a plain t-shirt was obviously meant to be inconspicuous; most women learn in their teens that wearing a t-shirt with any kind of writing on it will only encourage leering men who "want to read what it says". No doubt if she'd dressed in the style of a footballer's wife with false eyelashes, waist-length hair extensions and a glossy pout, it would have been even harder to get through to those who wish to dismiss the ogling in the video as an anomaly.

Unsurprisingly, the popularity of the video has resulted in the featured actress Shoshana Roberts being threatened with rape; it's become the catch-all response to anything internet trolls don't like. (By the way, can we not call the crackdown on internet abuse "Chloe's Law"? Rather than naming it after someone whose mum aired controversial views on Loose Women, we could use the opportunity to honour Caroline Criado-Perez, who was persecuted by trolls after campaigning for bank notes to feature a woman.)

US "entertainer" and Conservative Rush Limbaugh weighed in with his opinion that the men were just being polite (another way of saying women should "take it as a compliment" when men shout at them in the street). Although few of us would agree with a man who claims "no means yes if you know how to spot it", you might be wondering why women wouldn't respond to such harmless greetings as "Good morning" and "How you doin' today?" Wouldn't that be so much nicer, if everyone greeted their fellow humans as if we were living in a 1950s movie? 

Well, women don't respond to overly friendly men for exactly the same reason you always rush past the chuggers with clipboards who try to get your attention on the high street. Because we know that engaging in any way – even just a "thank you" or a reciprocal "Good morning" will mean getting sucked into a conversation that we didn't want to start. 

The only people who have the luxury of watching this video and seeing nothing but "compliments" are the people who don't understand the context. That context is that the guys saying "Hey, beautiful!" could turn nasty in a nanosecond if you don't respond the way they want you to. Websites like Bye Felipe have the full array of sugary sweet nothings which changed into shocking aggression when girls took longer than 15 minutes to text back, or dared to say "no thanks".

I think this is my favourite. Question asked, question answered.

As we've learned from sites such as okcupid's nice guys, we have a generation of young men who are full of "You're so gorgeous" and "I'm a real nice guy" unless you disagree with them in any way, at which point all hell breaks loose. Lesson learned: when a strange man starts chatting you up on the street, it's just safer not to engage.

The video has been criticised for editing out the white men; it's not that they didn't contribute to the mass of "compliments", it's just that "for whatever reason, a lot of what they said was in passing, or off camera." I'm guessing this means they fell into that particular category of men who wait until you've walked past and then mutter something under their breath about what they'd like to do to you. (My MO has always been to ignore street harassers so hard that they begin to doubt their own existence, but one day I might just confront one of these "shy" boys to see if they'd repeat themselves while making eye contact.)

In YouTube's comments we see sentiments such as: "She's wearing really really tight jeans, with a tight t-shirt. She is very curvy and her clothing draws attention to her voluptuous assets. If women don't want unwanted attention, then wear looser, baggier clothing. I guarantee if you do this, men will stop ''harassing you'." (Why do I get the distinct feeling that this person would also profess hatred for Muslims and disapprove of anyone wearing a hijab in public?) 

I actually think this guy's take on it is hilarious: He's trying hard to empathise with women but can't shake the belief that he would love to get plagued by ladies saying "God DAMN!" at the sight of him.

 
"When men say 'God bless you' when you walk by, you know you got a big ass".

Even though this dude has seen guys in real life doing "everything" shown in the original vid, he still wonders if it was staged. Interestingly, he mentions having a female friend who changed the way she dresses because men in her neighbourhood "won't take no for an answer"; he then guesses that probably some other hypothetical girl would happily swap places with her. That's the funny thing, people keep talking about all the women who would love to get catcalled all day, but wherever these ladies are hiding, they're certainly not making their presence known anywhere on the world wide web. Hmm...  

Meanwhile a well-muscled young man makes the point that he gets harassed too; one astute commenter notes: "Yes, he was gawked at. Yes, people made comments that he did not ask for. That's about the only part of this video that aligns with the original. But, at any time did he seem threatened? When he ignored someone, he was never told to be grateful for the compliment. Instead, the only girl who actually approached him ACCEPTED HIS SILENCE AS BEING UNINTERESTED AND WENT ON HER WAY. No one challenged his silence or got upset with him for it. If the men in the original video did the same, I'd call that a step up."

For the average man, rather than trying to picture women chasing you with wolf whistles (which turn into "Well, you're fat anyway" abuse if not acknowledged), perhaps it will make more sense with this scenario: imagine you're popping into town (wearing jeans even though it's summer, because you don't want anyone to see your legs and think you were asking for it) and some guy who's twice your size and would clearly have the upper hand if it came to a physical fight, starts yelling about what a nice butt you have. Then another dude a little further down tries to get your number: "You don't wanna talk to me? Screw you then!"

Do these sound like delightful, day-brightening compliments? Really?


Saying you have a boyfriend has long been considered the get-out-of-harrassment-free card; I used it just the other day when a friendly cyclist decided that I must be "lonely" because I was walking on my own though the park in glorious October sunshine. I now feel vaguely guilty for reinforcing the unspoken rule that only being owned by another man is an acceptable excuse for getting out of an unwanted conversation. (Let's face it, not using the line isn't necessarily going to create a dangerous situation, but it feels more polite than saying "I don't find you remotely attractive.")

So what's a boy to do if he wants to make the acquaintance of a pretty girl on the street? Being charitable, I think the guys in the video who offer a simple "Good evening" are at least saying something that a women could respond to if she wished, which is more than I can say about "Hey look it there!" or the many repetitions of "Day-um!" Even telling a girl she's looking lovely MIGHT work if you look her in the eye while you say it and then make your exit immediately so she knows you're expressing sincere admiration rather than being a stalker who's going to hassle her for a phone number. 

Some pestering is more entertaining than annoying (I sometimes walk past an elderly gentleman who literally rubs his own knees and says "Ooh, lovely!" at the sight of a female) but NOBODY likes the kind of plonker who yells out random orders to "Smile!" So why do all these men persist, when it's clear that heckling women isn't an effective method of getting their attention?

This awesomely helpful cartoon raises an interesting point: are women who dare to walk about unchaperoned in public "fair game" because men consider the street their "territory"? I've noticed that a group of teenage boys in an otherwise deserted street will ALWAYS feel the need to speak to women walking past them; it's almost as if the presence of a female is a silent challenge – and by not acknowledging it, those fragile teenage egos could be damaged in some way.

They're more afraid of you than you are of them...

So is it really so terrible if men relentlessly congratulate women on their looks? One commenter over at Jezebel put it like this: 

"One of the many ironic and rage-inducing aspects of some men's response to this video, is that if each of these guys were pan-handlers, or street performers approaching them (some with a polite "excuse me" ... and some others following them while persistently asking or yelling "look at that suit! I know you got $5 to spare, stop being stingy!!"), they would be RAILING about how someone can't even walk the streets in NYC without getting "harassed." 

When you point out that "Hey, all you have to do is say 'no'" or "How will someone know you aren't interested in buying an umbrella if they don't ask?" or ..."So I guess capitalism is dead now" They would steadfastly assert that this is not at all the same, and no one ever wants to be approached like that on the street. They would say there are stores you can go to where it is reasonable to approach people for sales... and that they should be limited in their solicitations to appropriate times and places and not when individuals are trapped on the subway or so obviously just trying to go about their day unaccosted."

You know how your heart sinks when you see a chugger? 
That's how women feel when they have to walk past a building site.
  
If you're not a regular internet dweller the recent shenanigans of #Gamergate may have passed you by; in a nutshell, some of the men who play video games want to put up a big sign saying "No girlz allowed." Although we'd like to think that such overt sexism is rare, videos like this one from Always show that the anti-female messages are so insidious that they're often just laughed off as harmless.

Meanwhile, the Daily mail has been clapping its hands in glee (This is what a chump looks like! Lol!) at the Schadenfreude-tastic news that the "This is what a feminist looks like" t-shirts were actually made by women in a sweatshop. Earlier a writer deriding the campaign claimed "a man can’t be a feminist", because apparently they don't allow Daily Mail columnists access to dictionaries. I know I keep banging on about this, but a feminist is someone who believes that men and women should have equal rights. Despite all the people who think it means "feminazi" (because of course nazis were all about equal opportunities), the original meaning hasn't changed. So if you find yourself thinking that all this "feminist" talk has got out of hand, remember that if you and the dictionary disagree on the true definition of a word, it's not the dictionary who's got it wrong. 

For all the men who think women's rights = misandry, we can call feminism "egalitarianism" if it makes you feel better – but let's not pretend that we've already reached the heights of equality.


ETA: The best internet response to the whole debate began with this Twitter exchange:


Elon James White (CEO of This Week in Blackness) took this suggestion and ran with it, spawning the #dudesgreetingdudes hashtag and a million hilarious scenarios which could change the world in an entertaining-yet-passive-aggressive way. Let's do this, boys.