The Internet's Best Time-Wasters

Today I have decided to treat you to a round up of the best and cutest animal videos I know. You're welcome.

Let's kick things off with a dog singing along to Adele, and doing a pretty fine job of it. When the other dog tries to get his attention, he's all like "Dude! This is my song!" I enjoy his whole-hearted concentration on the music and the blissful zeal with which he throws his head back to sing. (Also, it makes me wonder - if dogs don't howl along to ALL music, do they only join in with the ones they really like?)

Aw, sleepy duckling! My favourite part is when he shakes his head in an attempt to stay awake. And the little whistling cheap he makes as if he's talking to himself, "Hey, look alive out there, buddy!" In the words of my friend Jasmine, "Sometimes I can't cope with how much I love ducks."

This sweet doggie is empathising just a little bit too much with his onscreen hero. To be fair, he does look as if his usual facial expression might be on the "sad" side of quizzical, but he's obviously paying rapt attention to the film and looking for reassurance. I move that we set up some cinemas for dogs and get the animal psychologists in to do a proper study of this, then maybe people won't look at me funny when I talk about it. 

This cat hitching a ride on the back of a ram sums up felines; if they want to sit on you, they will. Whether you like it or not. The ram clearly isn't too happy about his little passenger, but is unsure of how to get rid of him, and this amuses me.

For some reason this little elephant reminds me of Norman Wisdom in the old slapstick movies... he's a bit awkward. But a trunk is a lot to handle when you're newborn and you have no idea what is going on with your face.

 

The enthusiasm! The willingness to help! The smiley face! The big brown eyes! This is why I need a dog....

The ones that end "Love you! XOXO" are the worst

 You know when you complain about your housemates to your friends and they say “Why don’t you write them a note asking them to stop eating your food / taking all the toilet roll / making unearthly noises at 3am?” Don’t. It will end up on passiveaggressivenotes.com, a hilarious website which contains every carefully barbed email and pointed post-it. I really should send them the note below (complete with the obligatory multiple exclamation marks) from Maletti’s, the pizza / pasta cafe where all the trendy media people buy their (rationed) carbs.

There is a funnier one by the till (it threatens being “humiliated by staff” if you dare brandish a phone), but I’m too scared to take a picture in case they throw me out. The day I manage to get a sneaky snap, I will mount it on the wall like a 10ft swordfish. 

A while ago I decided to close down a bank account I no longer needed, unfortunately on a day when the printer was misbehaving. Being loath to waste paper (I’m a big fan of trees) I sent the letter despite the smudgy ink stains along one side. I have no desire to impress a bank, after all. (And I am the kind of lazy person who can’t see the point of messing about with different fonts, lining things up and printing out numerous copies of something that could just as easily be scribbled with marker pen.) 

It took them a while to get their little butts in gear – when I called them to ask why the account was still open, the young man in the call centre suggested it would be “much easier” if I went into a branch to deal with it. What, easier than sitting around in my PJs and picking up the telephone? But many weeks later, they wrote to confirm that the account was no more. The HILARIOUS thing was, the letter was decorated with smudges, making it remarkably similar to the one I sent them. (And no, they weren’t recycling.) 

Passive aggressive? Or did somebody there just have a great sense of humour? It must have taken them ages to get those ink marks just right! 

However it came to be, it made my day. Thanks, Santander! 

I leave you with this slightly fatalistic sign I happened upon in an office; I like the matter of fact attitude. Who needs change when you can have acceptance, hmm?