RIP Norman

Norman Wisdom: Frighteningly talented man

We all knew it had to happen sometime, but I for one am feeling very sad about the loss of Sir Norman Wisdom; after a childhood (and beyond) spent enjoying his antics on celluloid, the world feels a little colder without his raucous cries of "Mr Grimsdale!"

Oddly, his celebrity hasn't quite reached many of my peers. It's not "cool" to like him, the way it might be to profess undying fandom to Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton. (Actually, in some circles it's not cool to like anything made before 1970, but let’s face it, those people are deeply weird.)

Somehow Norman's comic genius has gone unnoticed – maybe because he made it look so effortless. We all just assumed he really WAS that little chap with the too-small suit and wonky cap. The truth is, he was one of those annoying people who are fantastic at everything they try. (He became adept at singing, dancing, acting, and seven or eight musical instruments.) It's not surprising that he managed to work his way up to superstardom from a seriously impoverished background and miserable childhood (the perfect example of a disadvantaged background not always resulting in a miserable bugger of an adult).

Like all comedic actors, he was beloved by the public and unappreciated by critics, his skills only gaining recognition when he tried his hand at drama in later years. The funny thing is, he had ALWAYS been a consummately professional actor. Whether he was playing a pathos-inducing underdog, a camp Italian hairdresser, a confident businessman, or a victim of hypnosis who believes himself to be a toddler, he was never anything but completely convincing. He also did his own (unbelievable) stunts such as speeding down the stairs on a wheelchair, bursting through a wall and landing on a speeding ambulance – before being shot off the roof and back into hospital via a window.

Charlie Chaplin described him as his favourite comedian. Jerry Lewis, the Hollywood-ised version of Norman, appears to be a pale imitation (in my humble opinion) and he “borrowed” some of Norman’s repertoire. (He did! He did!) You can also see Norm's influence in nail-biting physical comedy such as Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em, in which Michael Crawford’s famous roller-skating scene echoed a similar set up from Trouble in Store (Norm's first major film). Norman had actually turned down the Frank Spencer role because the humour was too lavatorial for his squeaky-clean image.

As well as being at the top of his game professionally, it seems that Mr Wisdom was simply a very lovely man. When his wife left him for another suitor, he left the USA and returned to England to take care of his children, thus missing out on numerous work opportunities. In his later years he retired to the Isle of Man, but voluntarily paid the full British tax rate.

In short, there are comedians courting fame now who aren't fit to lick his boots. (Oh Frankie Boyle, when the name of your show involves a threat to punch people in the face, one can only assume it is a pre-emptive strike. I know of few things that would be so satisfying and irresistible for me, you unfunny cretin.)

Unlike those who reek of desperation and whose only hope for publicity is shock value, Mr Wisdom had the ability to cause tears of laughter with his facial expressions alone. He also had an element of unpredictability that makes you wonder if his manager often woke up in cold sweats; he had a particular penchant for jumping out at members of the royal family to surprise them. There are not many people who have both the opportunity and the inclination to be so cheeky, or ever so slightly bonkers.

Sir Norman, we salute you.

 

Travels with Boris

Ken Livingstone once ridiculed Boris's plans to scrap parts of the congestion charge ("How will you make money?" he chortled, forgetting that the charge was brought in ostensibly with the sole purpose of reducing carbon emissions.) Well, Boris has gone one further and brought bikes into the capital. Which is great, and very nifty they are too. But why no helmets? If you don't own a bicycle and are wandering about in London, it seems unlikely that you'll be carrying your own hard hat. So, by not providing suitable attire for our bonces, the mayor is actually encouraging us to go bareheaded. This strikes me as somewhat suicidal, on London streets – although I'm informed that statistically, the helmetless have fewer accidents, as drivers are more wary of them and drive more cautiously as a result. But who wants to be an unlucky statistic? 

Fortunately for Mr Johnson, whether his policies work or not, people vote for him because it's funny to have him as our mayor, just as it's funny for Californians to have Arnie as their Governator. There is also something rather comforting and Enid Byton-ish about having a mayor who chases muggers and litter louts and calls them oiks. Whatever will he do next...? 

In other political news this week; I know one of the Miliband brothers has been crowned leader of the Labour party, but I don't think it makes much difference which one. Whenever I see them, all I can think about is Frasier and Niles and their race to be Corkmaster. No wonder Ma Miliband can't watch.

I really, really like you......

"Hollywood's a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty." Marilyn Monroe

I don't know whether to be depressed or cheered that The X Factor is back on our screens; depressed because it inevitably brings with it the onset of winter; or cheered, because frankly, Saturday nights aren't the same without it. (My life will only be complete once Harry Hill's TV Burp also joins the party.)

There is always controversy and it kicked off early this season with accusations of auto-tuning (coulda fooled me) and now; the "glamorisation of prostitution". Newspapers expressed shock that Simon Cowell wouldn't kick Chloe Mafia out of the competition purely because of her "profession". Simon insisted that The X Factor is open to everyone, and wasn't it a good thing if she was trying to better herself and get off the game?

No, because apparently she was glamorising the profession. Call me a big meanie, but that's like saying that the rest of the auditionees are glamorising bad singing and lack of self awareness.

Unfortunately there has been a "normalising" of the sex industry and young girls actually do idolise women like Jordan – because in their eyes, money equals power and it doesn't matter what you had to do in order to make your millions. Some "feminists" claim that being a sex worker is the ultimate in empowering feminism – but even Belle du jour Brooke Magnanti couldn't convince that she was perfectly normal and well-adjusted after coyly confessing that her dad "helped women", and it turned out he "helped" them by paying them for sex.

Frankly, the patronising edict that prostitution should be legalised for the sake of the women (with not a passing thought to the men, obviously) needs to be, er, put to bed. Should we really be condoning it as an acceptable career choice for women?

In the meantime, I'm not sure there is anything to be gained by shunning these women from society and singing competitions. Frankly, Simon Cowell is being the sensible one here, probably because he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to the business of buying and selling young people and their dreams.

On a lighter note, now we can begin the X factor drinking games in earnest – one shot for every time Simon says "I really like you", Louis says "They're good, Simon!" or our Cheryl says "You're a proper little popstar!" I tried to include one shot for every time Nicole Sherzinger whooped and danced to mediocre warbling, but there is only so much I can take.

A perfect world

Gareth Malone's Extraordinary School for Boys

Watching Nigella making a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake, it struck me that she is the sort of person you should really have running some sort of convalescent home for invalids. She would soon build up their strength with homemade chicken soup and extra-rich puddings. Similarly, if you were going to run a school, you would want Gareth Malone in charge of lessons and Jamie Oliver cooking the dinners. Both of these guys have recently had cameras tailing them as they try to improve standards, usually against stony-faced opposition. 

Gareth Malone first appeared on our screens as a choirmaster who took non-singers from schools, and later whole communities, and showed them the joys of trying something new, practising till it hurt, and competing as a team. He may look geeky, but he quietly has a will of steel and isn't afraid of naysayers, the reluctant or the lazy. Now he is taking his inspiring brand of innovation to that neglected group; pre-teen boys. As our schools seem pretty ineffective in general, the fact that boys get left behind girls is mere side note. Is it a lack of male role models? Is the current style of teaching / testing more suited to girls? Or are girls just ore academically minded? 

Gareth got the boys interested in reading, and involved their fathers in a camping trip with a good old-fashioned storytelling session around the campfire. Despite the headmistress's doubts, the boys did of course enter into Gareth's spirit of competition (the ace card when dealing with kids) and surpassed expectations. Being able to DO STUFF is empowering for children – whether it's reading, cooking, starting a fire or reading a map. With Gareth's regime, boys blossom and realise that they CAN achieve. 

Unfortunately schools are resistant to change, as Jamie has found out while taking his culinary expertise to Huntingdon, West Virginia (America's fattest city). Maybe it was a mistake to constantly refer to the "American diet", as if the rest of us aren't stuffing our faces with chicken nuggets and cream cakes (I know I am). It's all played for drama as Jamie has stand-offs with the burly dinnerladies, cries, and bemoans the carb, carb and double carb makeup of the school dinners. But he genuinely cares about the kids who are being trained up to be seriously obese, by the adults who should know better. Will Jamie change the world one meal at a time? With Oprah on his side, let's hope so!

A Woman's Right to Shoes

“I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot.” Marilyn Monroe

 Recently I read that women are "wasting their time" trying to attract men by wearing high heels. "Experts" at Northumbria University have studied the male reactions when watching some women walking in high heels and others without heels, and found that... men can't tell the difference. No surprise there – after all, men generally say "and she wasn't wearing a scrap of makeup" when a casual observer of the female variety could practically name the shade of foundation. But isn't this study a little bizarre? When did women ever say that they were wearing high heels for the sole purpose of attracting men? While they may put a wiggle in the walk, they also make us taller (why do I know so many short men?) and slow us down, occasionally becoming so painful that piggybacks are necessary. Thus, men seem fairly ambivalent about them, at best.

Furthermore, it's widely known among women that men don't *get* fashion. I don't think any man has ever expressed admiration for women wearing Uggs, beige nail polish, smock dresses, harem pants or dungarees. So I guess we just like "wasting our time" wearing what we like.

The Classic Ten (by Nancy Macdonnell Smith) is a fascinating book and one of my very favourites for dipping into. It features chapters on the origins and enduring popularity of the little black dress, the suit, jeans, white shirt, high heels, trainers, white shirt, trench coat, pearls, and cashmere sweater. 

The chapter about heels and how you FEEL when you're wearing them might be educational for some;  the only socially acceptable way (in Texas, at least) that men can experience this sensation is by wearing cowboy boots.  Consider this excerpt from James Herlihy's novel Midnight Cowboy:

"Something snapped in the whole bottom half of him: a kind of power he never even knew was there had been released in his pelvis and he was able to feel the world through it. Brand-new muscles came into play in his buttocks and legs, and he was aware of a totally new attitude toward the sidewalk. The world was down there, and he was up here, on top of it, and the space between him and it was now commanded by a beautiful strange animal, himself, Joe Buck. He was strong. He was exultant. He was ready."

Remember when the Trade Union Congress tried to ban women from wearing heels (Sept 2009) and convince us to wear sensible shoes? THIS is why.

When in doubt, the answer is always Stevie Wonder

Can I get an "Amen"?

I hate “Christian music.” There, I’ve said it.

I hasten to add, I don’t hate ALL Christian music. I love proper gospel (not tuneless screeching, mind) and even the plain vanilla soft rock style that characterises most of this music has occasionally made enjoyable listening.

What really gets on my nerves, though, is the cynicism running through this lucrative industry. Some smart people have worked out that there is a little gap in the music industry which any old crap can squeeze through – as long as it’s “Christian”. The people involved know full well that what they're producing would never see the light of day if it was released in the normal, or as they call it, “secular” channels of the music business.

Of course, if it’s so bad that it actually slips into “audibly dreadful even to Christian ears that never hear popular music” territory, their defence will be “But actually, it’s all about the worship.” I used to go to a church which hosted many of the biggest writers and performers of Christian music, and thus felt almost guilty about their musical pedigree. But if it was really *just* about the worship, they’d have let me get up on stage and bang a triangle. Why not, if that was the expression of my heart? The fact that triangles remained undinged is the proof that at least a little bit of the worship sessions had to be dictated by the quality of performance. 

I don’t mean to have a pop at people who genuinely do wish to write meaningful songs which can then be released into the world so that others can find them helpful. Of course, it’s natural that those people who are massively talented should be given a role where they can use their gifts. I just resent the insistence that we're not allowed to judge them on musical merit, and if we voice any dislike, we are somehow betraying Jesus. 

There is some great Christian music out there – Audio Adrenaline and YFriday are just two of the contemporary bands who can stand alongside any mainstream group without needing to fall back on any weak defences. In the US especially, spiritual music spans many genres; so why are those compilation albums always so slavishly similar? 

(A popular worship leader once wrote that the Christian music album of “The most powerful worship songs ever!” was a bit cheeky and who were we to dictate which songs were most likely to get to God? You guessed it, none of his songs had made the cut. He did, however, have no complaints when his works was included on another album, the title of which was something along the lines of “Best worship songs ever.”)

I hate the way that Christian music doesn’t “count” if it isn’t the same bland type as all the others. One time the music group (in the church I mentioned earlier) played in a “country style.” The leader was furious and inevitably admonished the band with “It’s not a performance”. It was as if country music was somehow not as holy as rock. Why is a skiffle beat sinful? 

(While we’re on the subject, why are the really hard core “I hate god” bands always heavy/ death metal? How come you never get any easy listening bands called nunslaughter? Just wondering.)

If you ask a “Christian musician” why they don’t release music into the mainstream charts, the standard line is that they feel they are best serving the Christian market. A cynic might suggest that they like being a big fish in a small pond and they’re too mediocre to make it out there anyway. 

Some Christian acts get into the charts after prolonged internet campaigns in which Christians are pressured to support their “brothers” by buying and promoting their music, no matter how rubbish they think it is. Wouldn’t it be better if nobody bought music for any other reason than LIKING it? Do those bands a favour and refuse to give them a leg up. Force them to raise their game. In the long run, they will be happier, and so will our ears. 

In the meantime, if you're tired of breathy proclamations that God is “marvellous”, and album covers in which singers look away from the camera in a wistful, humble manner, there are numerous other gifted musicians who manage to incorporate Christianity into their art without 16 choruses of “na na na na...”  (You may need to have attended church in the 90s to really “get” my pain here.) 

You might like the following songs (which are unlikely to ever get played in church).

• See Me Through, by Ida Maria:  With a gentle chorus of “Oh God, I can’t believe in you... because I’m afraid you’re true,” this song might tug at your most cynical heartstrings.

• This Little Light of Mine. As far as I know, Joss Stone has no intention of releasing a gospel album, but she does us proud with this toe tapping duet with Buick Audra.

• Lauryn Hill’s “Unplugged” album, in its entirety.  She may have a slightly screwy life, but this girl can sing. And preach. All at the same time.

• Wayfaring Stranger, by Eva Cassidy or Jamie Woon. Although pretty much everyone has covered this classic, Eva’s note perfect rendition embodies spiritual passion.  

• Nobody’s Fault but Mine: Another standard covered by everyone from Blind Willie Johnson to (the fantastic) Sean Pinchin. Michael J. Sheehy and Beth Rowley have produced particularly good versions.

• Good old Christina Aguilera has made some forays into gospel (when she isn’t inviting you to put your lips on her hips) and Mercy on Me and Makes Me Wanna Pray are up there with Aretha.

• “Are you lonely up there all by yourself?” asks Kelly Clarkson in the somewhat heartrending Irvine. If she’d been around 2,000 years ago, surely this would have been added into Lamentations?

• The wonderful world of country music has many excellent tunes (the soundtrack for O Brother Where Art Thou proves this, yes?) and if you’re looking for an easy bridge from pop; Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert are your answer. (Particularly the latter’s Heart Like Mine.)

• Candi Staton (whose career began in gospel circles) has been bringing the word "saviour" onto the dance floor since the 80s – now I Got the Love has been given a boost by covers from Florence and the Machine and Joss Stone (again). 

• U2 have managed to straddle the secular and the religious pop worlds for some time, as has young Stacie Orrico, with three studio albums artfully mixing the two. 

• Macy Gray's Minnie Mouse vocals are mostly associated with late 90s pop, but "I'm looking forward to the day I die, Oh my lord, I can't wait to meetchu" is not really one for Top of the pops.

• Janis Joplin throaty cries of "Work Me Lord" are as heartfelt as any chorus of "Shine, Jesus shine". 

• I first came across Ain't No Grave (gonna hold my body down) on the brilliant True Blood. (Obviously the meaning becomes a little different when applied to vampires, but don't get me started on the spiritual symbolism of being dead for three days and emerging as an immortal being, we'd be here for weeks.) I particularly like Vanessa Torres' earthy folk version of this traditional gospel song.

This is just a teensy handful of the most unchurchy "Spiritual" tunes around; let's not forget that the soul star Al Green actually runs a church in Memphis, and hey, as long as there's money to be made from Christmas albums, there will always be a carol sung by a boyband in the offing. 

Traditional blues and gospel are virtually inseparable, growing as they did from the same origins. Even if you're not a fan, it's worth checking out sometimes just for the amusing names – Better Git it in Your Soul Charles Mingus) and the cheery Just As Well Get Ready, You Got to Die by Blind Willie McTell. Unbeknownst to me, Mahalia Jackson is considered one of the best gospel vocalists EVAH. (If you thought Mariah had lungs – check this lady out. You could also do a lot worse than checking out Pearly Brown of You're Gonna Need That Pure Religion fame. Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are also deservedly well known as gospel and soul virtuosos.

If you're still looking for inspiration I would definitely recommend the Bible-story-inspired folk of Sufjan Stevens, the old-school gospelly blues of Eric Bibb and the inspirational lyrics of Alicia Keys. 

And if all else fails, just listen to the dynamism of Jerry Lee Lewis's When the saints go marching in  and then try to sit through Generic Worship Vol 12. Bet you can't do it.  

  

Give in to your animal instincts

Raging at film crew and ("allegedly") assaulting his mother: we all know  how Christian Bale gets when he's angry – but what's the betting that someone will be "surprised" next time he gets violent? They need this book....

"The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons." 
 Ralph Waldo Emerson 

I had to buy The Gift of Fear after reading numerous recommendations on the etiquettehell forum, of all places. The ladies there would occasionally ask "Was I rude to snub that guy that I found incredibly creepy?" and the answer always came "Safety trumps etiquette."

Author Gavin De Becker is a security expert who runs a consulting firm which advises on situations that might escalate to violence. In other words, if you are the President and a would-be assassin is stalking you, he can tell you the signs which point to needing a bullet proof vest or a one way ticket to Hawaii.

The premise of his book that we all have the ability to keep ourselves safe – it's called intuition. But if you're the sort who scoffs at airy-fairy "feelings," you'll be relieved to know that those hunches aren't necessarily anything mystical. Analysing gut feelings with the benefit of hindsight, you will probably discover that there were plenty of little reasons why you actually "knew" something.

He points out that phrases like "all of a sudden" and "out of the blue" are largely meaningless, a part of the "myth" that predicting human behaviour isn't possible. He points out that "to successfully navigate through morning traffic, we make amazingly accurate high-stakes predictions about the behaviour of literally thousands of people."

Also, "the human violence we abhor and fear the most, that which we call "random" and "senseless" is neither." He argues that while we prefer to think of psychopathic killers as being totally removed from humanity, it's their very humanness which is the key to understanding them. We're not so different under the surface; most people will admit that they could be pressed into violence if a loved one was threatened. Therefore we are all capable of violence – depending on the circumstances.

He complains about the stupidity of those ubiquitous media quotes such as "neighbours describe the killer as a shy man who kept to himself", which implies that apparent normalcy is actually a pre-incident indicator for abhorrent crime. (All it really means is that the neighbours had nothing helpful or relevant to say, but they got quoted anyway.)

Knowing our natural desire to be polite and see the best in people, he describes key signs to look out for in the kind of dodgy geezers that set off your creep-o-meter. Wisely, he asserts that "no animal in the wild, suddenly overcome with fear, would spend any of its mental energy thinking "It's probably nothing". We, in contrast to every other creature in nature, choose not to explore – and even to ignore – survival signals."

Among many points, he includes: 

• Forced teaming: the kind of person who wants to make you feel "we're in the same boat".

• Charm: ask yourself why they are trying to charm you.

• Too many details: beware the person who talks too much and answers questions you haven't yet asked.

• Typecasting: sometimes men will use truly pathetic lines like "you look like the kind of woman who is too snobbish to talk to me." (To which the answer of course would be "that's funny, you look like the kind of man who makes lame attempts to manipulate women into talking to you.")

• Loan sharking: forcing you to accept a favour, eg carrying your bags.

•  The unsolicited promise: "I'll just come in for a minute then I'll go, I promise." Why does this person need to convince you?

• Discounting the word "No" – We've all had the person who "insists" that we accept a lift home / a second drink / the book we expressed an interest in. While most of the time, people's overbearing attitudes are harmless, they all have one thing in common; they refuse to accept the word "no."

(And if I may add one of my own – men who tell you "I'm a gentleman". Run fast, run far. It's like wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the word "Sexy". If it were true, you wouldn't need to say it.)

Some of the stories actually resonated with me; a while ago I was introduced to a guy who was a friend of a friend, within a few minutes I was thinking "This guy's got "stalker" written all over him", and I avoided the exchange of phone numbers. When I bumped into him a month or so later in town, he took it upon himself to accompany me to the supermarket, where the only way I could get rid of him was stopping dead, doing a lot of "Well, this is where I get off," and refusing his offers of help to "carry your bags," until he went away. Now if I ever happen to see him (ah, the perils of living in a small town) I actually find my adrenaline starts pumping and my instinct is to run away. Reading this book made my otherwise irrational fear make sense; I don't actually believe he is dangerous, but I do believe that if I'd given him any encouragement whatsoever, I would never be able to get rid of him.

I was especially interested to see that insisting on "helping" is a common theme; saying no to help seems rude – and making people (especially women) feel guilty enough to give in is key. On the flipside of the "helping" theme, serial killer Ted Bundy wore a fake cast on his arm or leg, and would approach women and ask them for help loading something into his car. (Wouldn't you feel like a heel if you said "No" to some poor guy with a broken arm?) 

Even if the little voice in your head is screaming that something doesn't feel right, sometimes it's very hard to extricate yourself from a situation without feeling horribly rude, especially if you don't have time to think through your reaction. Better rude than dead, though.

Intuition knows more about the situation than we are consciously aware of. For instance, maybe the guy checking you out in the car park as you unpack your groceries is giving you the creeps because you noticed him (in your peripheral vision) in the shop, getting close to you just a few too many times to be coincidental.

There are slightly more boring chapters on "high-stakes predictions, " for instance, the signs that a mad gunman might go on the rampage, among them "perceived justification, alternatives, ability and consequences" (In a nutshell, if he feels like he's been wronged, has no other options, can hit the target and can live with the police on his tail.)

There are also chapters on stalkers and assassins, and why restraining orders can do more harm than good, as they engage with the stalker and possibly provide the victim with a false sense of security.

De Becker unashamedly focuses on giving advice to women, warning that "spousal homicide is the single most predictable serious crime in America". While we've all read the usual magazine fodder on signs that your boyfriend is a bad 'un, (seriously, who would think it was a good sign when a guy says "you don't need other friends, you've got me"?) Gavin has some more interesting hints, such as a man who identifies with violent people in films, news, or fiction, and dislikes change or is unable to compromise.

He also touches on violent children and describes case studies in which authority figures have held up their hands and said "How could we possibly have known?" and said that actually, the actions were predictable, if only anyone had been paying attention.

He points out that often, dark humour can be very telling. The prime example being  people who've said "Hey, I'm not opening that package, it's probably a bomb". When someone else does open it, turns out they were right. This is because humour is "a common way to communicate true concern without the risk of feeling silly afterward".

De Becker also elaborates on how Hollywood has encouraged stalking behaviour with the formula "Boy Wants Girl, Girl Doesn't Want Boy, Boy Persists and Harasses Girl, Boy Gets Girl" and points out that when women are the pursuers (think Fatal Attraction) they are seen for the loonies that they are.

He takes a tough love approach to domestic violence, saying "I believe that the first time a woman is hit, she is a victim, and the second time, she is a volunteer," and emphasises that "staying is a choice". Harsh words, but I would say that they are ultimately empowering. Believing it's possible for a man to change overnight from a big old pussycat into a cruel control freak is terrifying, because it suggests that the behaviour is impossible to predict. There has to be a first time for violence, but there WILL have been clues along the way. It's just that sometimes it's easier to ignore signs than face up to what they might come to mean.

I think it's possible that domestic violence could be reduced dramatically if this book was taught in schools. It won't change violent people, but it could help to inform potential victims about the danger signals and type of partners they should avoid.

Evidently, we're all capable of reading other people; it's what we're designed to do. We've been analysing each other and making predictions and conclusions about each other for thousands of years, we should be pretty good at it by now. By trusting your "caveman brain" you can tap into knowledge you didn't know you had.

The book can be a little dry in places; we're given a lot of detail on some historical cases and why assassins struck, and a fair bit of advice for bosses of large corporations. Whereas I think I speak for all of us when I say we want more juicy stories about would-be attackers being foiled by someone's intuition.

The website https://www.gavindebecker.com/ also has some useful and interesting info on how dangerous the world may or may not be – including a guide to de-coding the scaremongering style of news reports. 

The overall message is reassuring; trusting your intuition is the opposite of living in fear, as it eliminates all that unnecessary worry.

This book is a must read; I devoured it in a couple of days and have been recommending it to everyone. However, I must warn you that by the end of it you may feel tempted to actively seek out creepy people just so that you can yell "No is a complete sentence!" in their faces.