Saturday, 18 December 2010

May I quote Andre 3000? Behold, a lady.

She was channeling Audrey from her first audition; no wonder she beat Cheryl's piranha.

I confess, I was rather disappointed that Rebecca lost X factor – Matt started out well, but on the weekend of the final he was...well, rubbish. I know he was ill (the usual... doctors say his throat will explode if he sings, but he’s so determined...blah blah blah....) but I do find it extraordinary how the judges try to brainwash us into thinking that performances were “amazing!” when they were decidedly not. (Does anyone else remember Cheryl’s jedi mind tricks last year?  She kept repeating that Danyl Johnson was “arrogant,” as he trembled before her, eyes wide as a baby seal.)

What was refreshing about Rebecca was that she had the dignity of Grace Kelly, in a world of snarling, leatherclad starlets. Much as I love Christina Aguilera, it was painfully obvious that she and Rebecca had never met before their performance, let alone rehearsed. As she rose from the stage like a peroxide Venus, she managed to inject new waves of vibrato into every word. Rebecca’s Roisin Murphy-esue vocals didn’t stand a chance; she was clearly terrified and not even sure if she was allowed to sing at the same time as Xtina. 

Despite this, who came across as more professional and polished? Christina has been blasted for her “risqué” performance (BTW, the trailer for Burlesque looks incredibly hokey – I wouldn’t have bought Aguilera as a naive ingénue when she was twelve – but I may well go to see it, because I ADORE cheese.)

Meanwhile Rihanna screeched her way through a duet with Matt (ok, I’ll say it. They were BOTH rubbish). Miss Nasally Challenged writhes and strips with such aplomb, it’s hard to say where she can go from here. I was once discussing this with a friend who said “She might as well just sing “Come and have sex with me-eee...” She accompanied this with a little bended knee dance, which made me actually fall over laughing in the middle of the street. You should have been there. It was really funny.) 

So, is the tide turning? Leona Lewis, the original demure X Factor gal, has been constantly criticised for being “boring”. Well, maybe compared with Lindsay Lohan and Peaches Geldof... but whose life would you prefer?

Although it seems unlikely, being “ladylike” is gaining ground – there are a number of blogs about dressing nicely, revelling in being feminine and rising above the idea that we should be like men. 

It can be fun, when surrounded by ladettes slurping beer, to be the only one in a pencil skirt, sipping delicately at a pina colada. Also, while I spent my teens telling men “Don’t worry, I swear all the time” when they apologised for dropping an f-bomb, now I think “Damn right, you shouldn’t be using language like that in front of me, I’m a lady!” Of course, this effect is ruined when I enter into lively debates regarding the use of the c-word as a negative profanity, arguing that men should “have some f-ing respect” for the orifice from whence we all came. 

Meanwhile, queen of the Southern belles is Beyoncé; who could forget the way she graciously invited little Taylor Swift onstage after Kanyewestgate? You just know her momma raised her to match her nail polish to her shoes and handwrite her Thank-you notes.   

Let’s hope that the pop world will be gently inundated with women who combine talent and business brains with elegance and grace. Slappers are so over.

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